Attachment stayed away all weekend. Along with her sidekicks, wanting and clinging. Oh yeah, another regular, aversion, didn’t show up either. What’s goin on around here? These good friends have been my tight buddies for the past year and a half. Where the hell did they go all of the sudden? Predicting mind- reader is still lingering, but just on the edge of the property, not really coming into the house much.
My desire for attention and connection has taken a back seat as well. No longer having the desire to be seen. Not putting energy out there with the intention of drawing others into my web. Actually just not giving a damn what others think, or if they are noticing. This is a dramatic shift. I don’t know how it happened.
I felt totally comfortable being alone this weekend. No longing for companionship, for physical contact, no missing my sons, no looking at my phone hoping to see that blinky light. Actually I didn’t look at my phone much at all. Friday night I stayed home. First time in quite awhile that I didn’t go out dancing. This didn’t bother me, even though mind tried to nudge, “Hey, shouldn’t we feel bad about this? Saturday night I went out dancing and was content with not having a dance partner. Not even concerned about finding one, like I usually am.
No clinging, wanting, longing, aversion. No obsessing, or sadness, over recent losses. No thinking about the future, or the past.
Just a sense of being. No joy, no sorrow, not much of anything other than emptiness. I had a sense of my body but it just felt like a hollow shell. My mind would try to go to work wondering …”Hhhhm. What do I do with all of this free time?” It would subtly try to latch onto something but then accept that the default just wasn’t necessary anymore. That this empty mind could be the new default.
I recognized how deeply the grooves had been worn.
This level of self reflection is a result of the work I have been doing. Being in this state of emptiness is a big step along the path to true happiness. Now how to ensure that it lasts…without clinging that is. : )
Copyright Suzanne Norton 2015
learningtocry.wordpress.com 
Walking through the chaotic forest in the mind, making our own way through the dense bushes, without giving much thought to the materialistic world – have been unsuccessfully trying to do this for weeks now. You have made a start, you’ll definitely find the destination. And then you have to show the light 😉
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Beautiful words Prateek. Yes with a renewed commitment to longer stretches of meditation, and dharma reading, I should be able to share more insights and developments in the near future. I love to shine my light!
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🙂 Such a great post! I wish you all the best on your continued practice!
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Thanks! That’s sweet of you. : )
And I wish you the same.
Suzanne
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