I see my mind trying to hijack things. The thought,
‘I should be worried about this. I should feel anxious, insecure.’
But I’m not. This is called progress. Okay. Yesterday a bit of insecurity for a new venture. A bit of, ‘Can you, or should you, pull this off? Are you qualified?
But it wasn’t strong. It floated around a bit. It didn’t, however, pull me under. It didn’t make me feel fear in my body. It didn’t send me into internal panic mode.
Progress is beautiful. I have learned through experiences, through so many trial and errors that have worked out well, that it will be okay. It’s what my mind makes of it. I have learned that I am safe. And that it is safe to dip my toe in the water. There has been one big mean shark lurking out there but other than that, it’s gone well. I have learned to ask for help. I have also learned to navigate the seas on my own.
My compass? Simply moving forward with clear intention for what I want. Having trust in others and faith that the Universe will provide when my vision is clear. Understanding that it won’t always look like I anticipate. And easing up on myself.
I will end by sharing that this progress does not mean that everything is always roses.
Last night was hard. But today is a new day. I realize that I need to have plans with friends on Sunday evening. To ask them to take initiative in getting me out of the house.
Friday nights used to be hard, now the loneliness sets in on Sunday. Fridays the boys went with their dad. Each time I experienced that separation, when they were gone, I cried. For years, I cried. Now I cry on Sundays.
I know there will progress there as well. It’s all part of the bigger picture. Without sadness we wouldn’t know joy. Thank you for being there with me through all of my highs and lows.
Goodbye for now dear reader.