I brought him home to my apartment. He was a good dancer who had looked deep into my eyes. I’m sure he knew that was the way to a lady’s heart. I’m sure he had looked into many a lady’s eyes in this same fashion, on many dance floors. Tonight I was that lady. But I wasn’t falling for him. He was too tall. Lanky. Although nicely dressed. Dockers, with a dark blue long-sleeve button-up shirt. Classy dance shoes. And a baby blue berrett to top it off. He was from Turkey, I found out later. A soft-spoken, considerate man. He danced with me in a way I had never experienced. In a way that I loved. Organic. With lifts and dips. Making contact in totally unique ways. I met him with each step and every turn, flowed with the him, let myself follow his lead. I put my trust in this stranger when he picked me up, arching my back and letting my head fall in a beautiful arc. My petite form transforming with every move he presented. We were creating a work of art together. I would have been nice to have a photo of our creative process. The club was very crowded and we were like nothing else on the dance floor. Nothing else that had ever been created. This is the beauty of the magic of dance.
I had asked him a question right before he left to help his friend. He came back and waited outside for me with the answer. I invited him to ride along when I took my friend home. After we delivered her home, we decided to look for another dance opportunity. His current home in San Francisco had plenty of early morning opportunities unlike my small mid-western city, we soon discovered. Instead of dancing, we ended up sitting on a bench talking for another hour. He told me he was in an open relationship. It sounded like a relationship with mutual respect, trust, and much love.
He walked me back to my car. As I stood against a tree I knew what was hanging between us. Did we part here, or did I invite him back to my place? One night stands had never worked for me. Honestly I hadn’t ever gone as far as trying it. They just weren’t my thing. But this was different somehow. He was leaving for California in the morning. I may never see him again. Something about that made it okay. Right, even. I didn’t know why. That’s just how it was. It took courage on my part as I told him I was bashful, looking up saying the words, “Do you want to come over to my place and stay the night? Just to cuddle?” He wanted to be sure I was comfortable since I had expressed feeling bashful. I said, yes, I was comfortable. He hugged me, which was awkward with our height difference, and off we went in my dusty 2002 blue Ford Escape.
I found my feelings and behavior curious but did not judge them in the slightest. We agreed I would get something to eat before we headed to bed to sleep and spoon. I was very hungry. Sitting on the couch, eating my grapefruit, he started fading, having second thoughts about staying. “The friend I’m staying with might worry about me. I have a plane to catch early in the morning. I will be tired.”
I knew that was my cue. It was time to put my food, and hunger, aside if I wanted to keep ahold of this interesting creature I had lured into my den. So grapefruit placed on the end table, I scooted over and snuggled up under his arm. In a matter of seconds some how we ended up chest to chest, torso to torso, and so on. Not sure exactly how it happened but it all felt very good and very natural. He made mention that we were doing more than cuddling and asked if I was comfortable with that. I replied in the affirmative. I had made a commitment the previous week to start saying yes. So, here I was, saying yes.
We established the boundary of not having sex, then proceeded to do things that two bodies on a couch at two in the morning might be inclined to do, creating wonderful electric energy. We continued to move and touch in very different ways than on the dance floor, establishing boundaries along the way for what each felt comfortable with. He was trying to be very respectful. In hindsight I wish I had told him, “No news is good news. I’ll let you know if I don’t like something.” I asked him if it felt okay for him to go down this road, without reaching the standard destination. He said it would be okay for him to do that, but he struggled at times, so we put things on pause and took a rest every now and then. Where before I had seen a lanky stranger with a face I did not find attractive. Now I saw a classy man who looked quite beautiful. He seemed to have forgotten all about his roommate. His early flight. Or how tired he might be. He seemed to have acquired plenty of energy for our early morning activities. I definitely had moments when I realized what I had done. How it had the potential to be a bad choice. How I was in a very compromising situation with a stranger from a distant land who could easily overpower me if he chose, or if his passion overtook him and could not be contained. He was leaning closer and closer towards wanting to break from our original boundary, so we both took turns putting the breaks on.
I told him, “I think I should get to bed. Do you want to join me?” He said he was pretty sure we would not get any sleep given our demonstrated chemistry. He suggested a cold shower, then ruled that out as well. The only other option seemed to be a call to Uber and the trip to his friend’s apartment on the other side of town.
The driver arrived. We hugged goodbye. Another awkward moment with our difference in frame. As we stood at the door, I asked, “Do you know my last name?” He said he would get it from Rachel. I didn’t tell him I had only met Rachel that night and she didn’t know my last name either. Instead, I closed the door and headed to my bedroom.
I glanced at the clock. It read 6:00 a.m. I didn’t think I had ever stayed up all night. I didn’t feel tired. I wondered what to do next. Go to sleep or stay up? After all, it was already the beginning of the next day.
I chose sleep, and drifted off thinking, this is an interesting new chapter in my life.
Life is interesting. I have turned down many one-night offers. This night I made the offer, something I didn’t think I wanted in my life.
Life is funny. The lessons in impermanence are infinite. Who knows what tomorrow will bring! : )