Hi there! It’s a good morning. Good morning to you.
Today was the first time I was happy about my new lines. I look in the mirror every morning and try to think how to reverse them. I am trying many things. And plan on having a women’s workshop about aging.
This morning I was excited about painting my lines with a solution I have been using the past few weeks. I like working with lines on paper. Line drawing. I like filling things in. Like the time I stayed up until one in the morning filling up the divots in my kitchen cork floor with wood putty. Or the time I used Quickrete on the patio at our house in Ashland. I can become a little ocd about these kind of things. There’s something so satisfying filling in the cracks and making things smooth again.
Now I use a tiny little brush to apply an essential oil blend, filling in the lines on my face. I also found a great cover-up product from Neutrogena that has hyaluronic acid in it that I apply around my mouth to make things smooth again.
I am a fairly thin person so there is no extra plumpness to fill in the lines naturally. Unlike my grandmother, who had such nice skin but also a lot of extra fat to keep everything plump. It was nice firm fat. Not saggy. She looked great throughout her older years, living until the age of 92.
A younger friend told me the other day that I had a youthful face. It’s interesting the stories we create about ourselves. I have just been noticing how I am looking older and thinking it is really standing out to everyone else as well. You know, like it’s making national headlines…..Breaking news! “Mid-Missouri woman shows signs of aging!” Trying to accept and love myself. And not think people will love me less as my looks change.
Switching gears now…..It is bright outside and that makes me happy. A smile came across my face when I awoke at 10:00 a.m. to see the outside blanketed in a beautiful white snow. It’s so pretty as I sit looking out at it now while I write. There is a lot on the agenda for this Sunday but I feel so relaxed and at peace. I realize how much anxiety I had had before, now that it is gone. I don’t think it was extreme, not like many people these days. But it was there. I was unaware of how much it was there until now that it is gone. I think it is all tied up with fear. For me it was fear that I wouldn’t get something done if I didn’t always have it on my mind. Fear I would forget and miss something. Some deadline, e-mail, or phone call I was supposed to make. Things have gradually shifted. It can come back on occasion but not so much. Not too often.
This anxiety started after the separation/divorce. I am not sure exactly when it started during the past four years but it creeped in little by little. That unease. That seeing a bill, or to-do list and having that eek feeling. That internal micro-panic. I need to take care of that. I still haven’t done it yet. I am worried I may forget it…if I don’t worry about it. It’s so nice to be free of that worry. I will try to help others release it as well through my Mindful Practices business. I kind of want to call it Peaceful Practices but thinking of a marketing angle, Mindful is a better catch word for people. A little more descriptive. And something they can pronounce, unlike the former business name I loved, Qigong for Health. Since no-one knows how to say Qigong, or what it even is, I figured it was past time to change it. This will be a good year for my business. For me as a person. A person with a mind and body that is more free and relaxed.
I sit with my cat at my shoulder on the bed behind me. I took the bed off of the frame about a year ago. What’s the point anyway? That empty space under the bed just allows dust and mysterious items to gather and linger. Marley often likes to get on my lap while I am writing or meditating. Wanting my attention while I am trying to give my attention to other things. Sometimes he will lie on the bed and put his paws on my shoulder. Carley, my other cat, has been swimming in the sudsy water that I left in the kitchen sink. Haha. Yes, a cat that likes water. So I shew her off of the bed again as she tries to snuggle up on top of my pillows with her wet paws. Eww.
I have to go now. Use the bathroom, and get ready to hike in the snow, then take soup to a sick friend. Although I also need to get in a quick meditation as I have not gotten to that yet.