Good morning. I’m at Kaldis writing this morning, as has been the norm for awhile now. It’s yet another day. A day I try to tell myself, try to allow myself to believe, I can have any kind of life I desire. I am overjoyed when I am writing…..moving, learning, connecting, being in nature, teaching. I want to hone in a little more. Thinking I will stop my business and teaching so I can focus on being the learner. Give myself a break. Try on a new role. I haven’t forgotten my purpose of coming to an understanding of the meaning of life. I know it is in the trees. They will tell me a little at a time as I walk in the woods. The messages will slowly unravel. I will share more of my soul with you. Inside. And out. And I imagine you will do the same.
I want to go to that place, but I often seem to feel boundaries around it. The place of fully releasing my soul onto the page. Lately anyway. I need to meditate more. Look at the reasons for my non-allowing. For my constriction. For why I do better with outside permission with some things.
People come in. People walk by, drive by, sit on benches I watch from the inside today. It’s beautiful outside but too sunny at the table I started out at, so I moved in. “She wore Diamonds on the Inside” is playing over the speakers. Nice mellow sweet background music to this special place of coming and goings. I see people I know. We say, “Hi, how are you?” “Fine, and you?” Homeless people hang out then move on down the road. I have the sense of being a writer. And I love it
I feel we are the fortunate ones, even though I have no idea what is going on in other people’s lives, in their minds, their bodies. I look out again to see if it is Alonzo walking by, walking in. Instead I see my dentist in a ball cap and a button up. I think of how to say these things in Spanish. I looove being the student and am finding a bit of a flow now. I have learned sooo much, from my maestro, Duolingo, musica, y hablando espaol. I think about an upcoming gig. Is it next week already? I remind myself…..stay in the present. No thinking about the future to-dos. No planning.
I don’t owe anyone anything. Except my sons. I brought them into this world so I have a responsibility towards them. I have an appointment at 1:00 and feel a little bummed that I have to give up my open time to write. That I have to but constraints on it. Even though I wanted to do this appointment. I remember I need to tune back into politics. I see an Asian couple. They are both so beautiful. I notice I pay a lot of attention to looks. But I think that is to be expected. I am very visual. A thin black woman walks by in a tailored black suit and tie. I would put her in her twenties. And think, ‘she is dressed like a man.’ I used to write at Uprise. I forget about going there now. It was very different what came out there. Stream of consciousness. But observant of my surroundings, the people, as well. I wonder what the beautiful classy Asian couple think of this place called America. Mid-western America to be exact.
I really wonder about this. Another thing I want to do is work with people from other countries as a language partner. I love this. I think there is a woman doing that right now in a booth behind me. I heard her ask a lady sitting with her if she knew what Iowa was.
Classy African American man walks out, wearing a tailored light grey suite and pretty pastel striped shirt. He was thin, like the woman from earlier, lighter skinned, grey hair and very distinguished looking, acting. The way he carries himself, and the look on his face.
Father and daughter walk by. I see the look in their eyes. I think they may be zombies.
Copyright Suzanne Norton 2016