I so want the company of a man. Someone to hold me for more than just one night. More than one night on the dance floor. Why does it have to end there? I want to lay on the couch on a Sunday afternoon, patio door open, gentle breeze brushing my skin, the same way his fingertips brushed my bare arms when we slow danced. I want that Sunday afternoon, to be this Sunday afternoon. To lay on the couch with Saturday-night-dance-man. I know we both had a wonderful time. Connected in a very nice way. I also know we are very different. But we could continue to share that loving connection. People need affection. A hug, a kiss, just to be held in a special way. As a species, it is a necessity. From the very beginning, we need it. In order to grow, to thrive. In order to survive.
I have been sending my intention out to the Universe hoping for a soulmate in return. I throw it out there like a boomerang and so often it hooks what is sought after and returns it to me. So, I know the law-of-attraction works, but it just seems to be still attracting the wrong sort. Something is off kilter. Things have at least gotten stirred up again as of late, after a long dry spell. But those who are attracted, are the weird, the unavailable, the fearful, the old, and/or the unattractive. It doesn’t seem to matter whether it is in person or on the new consciousness-oriented online dating site I recently signed up with. New-Saturday-night-dancer-man is very sweet, and a damn good dancer, but, as seems to be the standard operating procedure, I haven’t heard from him.
So I’m wondering what energy I am still putting out there. What energy I need to change. And how I can change it. How my vibration can be set at the wrong level after all the work that I have done. Seems I am missing something, and I don’t know what.
My life coach told me when I am searching for answers, to just keep asking “Why?” -Ask the question. Write the answer. Then ask “Why?” Continue asking it and things will continue to unravel. Clarity will hopefully be the result. I guess it is time for that process again. This time the question will be, “Why do I keep attracting unsuitable suitors?” (or something to that effect) Then, “Why?” Again. And again.
I’ve got a very distinct picture of what I want in a partner. I even have an actual photo from a magazine of ‘him’ hanging up on my easle. Sometimes I look at him and ask, “Where are you?” He always just smiles back at me with those beautiful eyes and sweet lips. Yet he never says a word. I’m open to connecting with someone in the meantime, while I wait for my soulmate to step forward. Yet all that step my way have been the aforementioned. So I sit here writing, instead of hanging out, holding hands, head on a special shoulder.
I have to be careful not to fall into the victimstance mindset. Maybe I have already been going there. A little pity party is okay I guess, as long as I remember to switch gears. To start doing some more digging, allowing for continued growth and discovery.
I’m thinking the next step will involve designing a t-shirt that says, “Single” on the front. And “Available” on the back. We’ll see what sort of fellas that attracts.
Copyright Suzanne Norton 2016