I so want the company of a man.  Someone to hold me for more than just one night.  More than one night on the dance floor.  Why does it have to end there?  I want to lay on the couch on a Sunday afternoon, patio door open, gentle breeze brushing my skin, the same way his fingertips brushed my bare arms when we slow danced.  I want that Sunday afternoon, to be this Sunday afternoon. To lay on the couch with Saturday-night-dance-man.  I know we both had a wonderful time.  Connected in a very nice way.  I also know we are very different.  But we could continue to share that loving connection.  People need affection.  A hug, a kiss, just to be held in a special way. As a species, it is a necessity.  From the very beginning, we need it.  In order to grow, to thrive.  In order to survive.

I have been sending my intention out to the Universe hoping for a soulmate in return.  I throw it out there like a boomerang and so often it hooks what is sought after and returns it to me.  So, I know the law-of-attraction works, but it just seems to be still attracting the wrong sort.  Something is off kilter.  Things have at least gotten stirred up again as of late, after a long dry spell.  But those who are attracted, are the weird, the unavailable, the fearful, the old, and/or the unattractive.  It doesn’t seem to matter whether it is in person or on the new consciousness-oriented online dating site I recently signed up with.  New-Saturday-night-dancer-man is very sweet, and a damn good dancer, but, as seems to be the standard operating procedure, I haven’t heard from him.

So I’m wondering what energy I am still putting out there.  What energy I need to change.  And how I can change it. How my vibration can be set at the wrong level after all the work that I have done.  Seems I am missing something, and I don’t know what.

My life coach told me when I am searching for answers, to just keep asking “Why?” -Ask the question.  Write the answer.  Then ask “Why?” Continue asking it and things will continue to unravel.  Clarity will hopefully be the result.  I guess it is time for that process again.  This time the question will be, “Why do I keep attracting unsuitable suitors?”  (or something to that effect)  Then, “Why?” Again.  And again.

I’ve got a very distinct picture of what I want in a partner.  I even have an actual photo from a magazine of ‘him’ hanging up on my easle.  Sometimes I look at him and ask, “Where are you?”  He always just smiles back at me with those beautiful eyes and sweet lips.  Yet he never says a word.  I’m open to connecting with someone in the meantime, while I wait for my soulmate to step forward.  Yet all that step my way have been the aforementioned. So I sit here writing, instead of hanging out, holding hands, head on a special shoulder.

I have to be careful not to fall into the victimstance mindset.  Maybe I have already been going there.  A little pity party is okay I guess, as long as I remember to switch gears.  To start doing some more digging, allowing for continued growth and discovery.

I’m thinking the next step will involve designing a t-shirt that says, “Single” on the front.  And “Available” on the back.  We’ll see what sort of fellas that attracts.

Copyright Suzanne Norton 2016

About Suzanne

I write poetry, flash fiction, quotes and personal essays. Words flow forth like a river that cannot be dammed. Writing is my soul.
This entry was posted in Attraction, Dating, Law of Attraction, Online Dating, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Attraction

  1. tonirahman says:

    I love and agree with what Barney said, Suzanne. The thing is, with each not-right one you meet, you get clearer and clearer about what your ideal will be. So in effect, each failure is a gift. And your work is to see how (and if) what is crazy or unavailable or wrong or off kilter about them is somehow a reflection of yourself, or a judgment about yourself that needs to be examined and softened or healed.

    And on a personal note, having a special someone on a Sunday afternoon to be lazy and senual with is nice, but remember, once you have him Saturday night and Sunday, he doesn’t just go away the rest of the days. And you may miss not having to negotiate for time just with your sweet, beloved self. Keep creating, girlfriend!


  2. Bun Karyudo says:

    I hope you (and Tiffany) find the right kind of person for you. I’m not entirely sure about that t-shirt idea, though.


  3. Barney says:

    Don’t despair Suzanne! I love your line “From the very beginning, in order to grow, thrive, in order to survive!” Oh so very true, to connect with another, naked and unashamed, body and soul! That’s all I desire anymore, to spend the rest of my days in her arms… ❤️ Barney


    • Suzanne says:

      Awe. Thank you Barney. Your message made me cry. In a good, feeling your love, kinda way.


      • Barney says:

        The best kind! Keep at it girl, you are just winnowing out the field. What was it that Ben Franklin said when asked about all his failures with the light bulb. “I haven’t failed, I have just found a thousand ways that don’t work!”


      • Suzanne says:

        Love it! Thanks, that helps a lot. I also have turned things around to look at all of the qualities that I loved about the people I have dated. And the connections. Looking at what I want and like. Putting my focus there. Now time for meditation.
        Good luck to you Barney. 🙂


      • Barney says:

        Thank you Suzanne!😊


  4. Suzanne says:

    Good luck on your journey. 🙂
    It’s all a process.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Suzanne, I am experiencing a similar ache and pattern. So I am investigating where I am unavailable and unattractive… And am doing my best to wrap those areas in healing and love. May peace be with us as we undertake this journey. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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