Almost a Year

I found your picture today while I was cleaning.  It caught me off guard.  Clearly there are still so many emotions tied up around loving you.

It’s been almost a year.  Are you thinking about that too?

Have you found someone nearby to love?

I hope you’re  happy.  I mean that.

I’m sitting in my room feeling glad to be alive, looking out at the clear blue sky.

You joined me in meditation this morning.  Your photo and the  little comic book we picked up at the Flatirons.

I needed to just feel the feelings.  Whatever they were.  Love, sadness, grief, ecstasy.  I had never felt that way before. The feelings are all still there.

I remember dancing around the apartment, hugging my son in the weeks that followed.  He said, “What’s wrong with you?!  Are you on drugs?!”  I laughed and said, “I’m just happy!!!”  But I was thinking, Yeah I’m on the best kind of drugs!   I’m high on love!   

I was high for two months straight!

You called me every day.  Sometimes twice a day.  My thoughts went a little crazy,  Today will be the day he stops calling me.  I just know it.  If he saw my messy apartment he wouldn’t like me anymore.  I can’t take this being apart much longer. He probably won’t call today.

When you didn’t call for two days, I knew my fears were founded.

I wrote you a long heartfelt letter.  I poured out all of my feelings.  Then I pushed send.

You called the next day.  I was embarrassed.

You said, “Don’t be embarrassed.  It was beautiful.  I loved it.”  My heart melted, just as it did every time I heard your voice.

The distance was painful.  You kept saying you wanted to see me again, but it never happened.

I told myself I blew it by being so clingy.  I couldn’t help myself.  You were my drug.

Now I think it had just as much to do with you.  Of course, it always takes two.

Lately the mountains have been calling me back.

My life changed in dramatic ways when I followed my dream and headed west last December.  I discovered the beauty of falling in love.

My heart opened up new doors.

Once again the Universe answered that important question:

What else is possible?

What else is possible?

Thank you for holding the key to my heart.  Special feelings will forever reside inside of me, because of knowing you.

Happy anniversary Life!

Copyright Suzanne Norton 2015

 

About Suzanne

I write poetry, flash fiction, quotes and personal essays. Words flow forth like a river that cannot be dammed. Writing is my soul.
This entry was posted in Attitude, Beginnings, Bliss, breathing, Celebration, Colorado, Connecitons, Crazy, Love and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Almost a Year

  1. BunKaryudo says:

    Even though things didn’t work out quite as you’d hoped, this still sounds like a very optimistic piece to me. I took it to have an uplifting message: there’s a great big world out there just full of opportunity!

    Like

    • Suzanne says:

      Yes! You got the message. 🙂 Thanks for commenting. I love to hear others thoughts on my writing. Thanks for being an Other.
      There is still sadness and an empty place for the loss of that connection, as well as for the dream of something more, that didn’t come true. There is also much joy for the gift of what was.

      I guess that’s life. New doors are always opening ….when I stay open to the infinite possibilities!
      Happy happy day to you Bun!!!

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s