Hello big beautiful world!
I’m sitting here in my purple Papasan chair in my bedroom. I’m tired. Woke up from a marathon sleep this morning with the sniffles. I have a long long list of office work to-dos to do. I don’t always know how to pace myself. I’m watching a tall man with a black and white umbrella walk by down below in the parking lot of my apartment complex. It’s been raining here for two days now. The sun has gone missing, but we do need the rain.
WordPress has changed up their format so I am enjoying the new, cleaner look as I compose this post. I am on the other side of my Acroyoga performance, which was Sunday. I hope to have video footage to show you soon. I am looking forward to seeing our routine. I was so happy to partner with Leo. He is very patient, laid back, and a good teacher. He has more experience than I do, and had already been in one show, this Spring. I also liked how even though there is a 20 year age difference that didn’t phase either of us. We worked as peers. We were also very compatible size-wise which made it very nice for both of us functionally, as well as aesthetically. I love the love of the Acro community. Very encouraging and supportive. Everyone is also very physical, lots of hugging and touching. Something I’ve never experienced at this level with friends. It’s a very intimate art form/sport. I think my body and brain are needing a little break. Last week we had class on Monday, rehearsal on Tuesday and Wednesday, Saturday dress rehearsal, then Sunday, two performances. Not to mention the rest of life that still took place. I was relaxed by Saturday’s dress rehearsal. And cool as a cucumber for the performances. Hangin with everyone backstage and watching the others perform was a blast. For the two months prior, as we rehearsed, I went through all kinds of mental and physical stress. The tall man with the black and white umbrella walks by again. This time going the other direction, carrying a brown paper bag. I felt insecure, as though I was letting my partner down, that I couldn’t do it, that I wasn’t good enough. I struggled with trust as he moved me around in the air with his feet. I struggled with trust as I didn’t really know this person who was getting fairly intimate with my body. We had met in class once or twice, and on the dance floor a few times, but that was all. Now we were choreographing, practicing, communicating, scheduling, and becoming buddies. I put a lot of pressure on myself, feeling very green with my 6 months of experience. He, on the other hand, was the balance…saying, “Let’s just have fun.” Oh yeah! I like Acroyoga because it’s so unbelievably fun! I almost forgot.
Through this experience I grew in many ways. I wanted to give up at one point because of that thinking that I wasn’t good enough, that I couldn’t do it. But I pushed through. Then we had a breakthrough in our rehearsal. I remember texting my other “partner” that night. He was very happy for me and encouraging. That made me feel good.
The mind is a funny creature. Torturing me instead of encouraging me like Nick did. But he also told me that what I was going through was normal. I knew I was causing my own suffering but I couldn’t seem to help it. Finally when the performance was right around the corner I started to tell myself a different story. I imagined I was my own parent. I started telling the little girl how competent she was. How being in her body, being active, was one of her strengths. How proud I was of her. And how she was going to do great at the performance. I also started setting an intention for doing a good job, just as I set intentions for other things (mostly for guys!). Why should this be any different? Ask and ye shall receive. I have seen the fruits of my intentions play out again and again. Just have faith and trust in the system…The Universe provides.
When I let go of my insecurities, my shoulder pain went away and my knees stopped hurting. The three Ninja Stars, in our routine, that always fatigued me, felt like a breeze. Now I was relaxed, instead of tense. My mind had been making it more difficult for my body to perform.
I’ll have to say that I’m very happy, and proud, that I stuck it out. Happy to have had the experience of being in a partnership. And will do it again, given the opportunity. I made new friends, built trust, developed skills emotionally and physically, and rocked the show with other amazing performers. I also thought about how proud my mom would have been. And that helped.
Until next time……
Copyright Suzanne Norton 2015