So many topics I could write about today. My perpetual toddler kitty, the amazing fall weather, my dream of taking the week off while simultaneously writing a full page to-do list, or the recent realization related to my online writing. Those are just the topics that came up this morning. It’s 7:59. I got up at 7:00.
I have been asking myself, “What do you want?” for about a year now. Writing the answers in different colors on large sheets of poster board. I am working with a life coach to help me shape my passions, figure out how to move forward, one step at a time. I want to jump full speed ahead, not understanding all the pieces in between. Not accepting that I can’t do it all at once without making myself crazy.
I haven’t always been like this. I think it started with the wise words, “Ask yourself, ‘What else is Possible?’ “ I began filling up the page of possibilities, and haven’t stopped. Lately I’ve let a couple rise to the top. Writing and teaching (Qigong). My love of nature, friendship, and movement are right up there as well. I have a new commitment to walking, hiking, absorbing the elements. Today I will go to meditation then on to see my mom. I’m trying to learn that I can’t fix things for her. Something I had been trying to do for almost three year. Just as soon as she got the first diagnosis. I need to continue to work on me. I am beginning to allow the guilt for this self-care to subside. Spending so many years caring for my children, caused me to overlook taking care of the child within me.
Now it’s time to get dressed, and take that walk in nature. Go to meditation and onto the next destination. Life is pretty hard right now, but I keep pressin’ on. It seems my long list of desires and running in different directions may serve as a distraction from doing the work I really need to do. I just have to keep reminding myself…”It’s okay. Take the time. You’re worth it. And you deserve the life you want, whatever that may turn out to be.”
Maybe I’ll get to this morning’s topics another day.